life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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