i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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