well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize