My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was CRYING into my vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
