your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize