I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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