you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
