thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize