I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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