I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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