I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
