The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
