Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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