I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
