I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
