his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
