I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You pole danced in your parka.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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