Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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