gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize