He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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