Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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