It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
