dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
