I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
