went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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