I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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