is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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