'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
