So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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