Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
