i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
