Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
