I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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