oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
