im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
