Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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