This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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