the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
