I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize