Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
