I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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