Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
