is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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