He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
