it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
