called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
