Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
