whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
