Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
