some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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