I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
