I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize