I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
