did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
