what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize