my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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