party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
