so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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