respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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