I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
