my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
