I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
