Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The air was thick with penises
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
