im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
