margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
