I showed him my bush... on skype.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
