There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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