in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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