At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
