she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Found the puke drawer
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize