I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
