omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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