Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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