peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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