Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
