Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
